Fun with Kenyon hook-ups
Sarah Carter
Issue date: 10/16/08 Section: Opinion
In last week's article entitled "Kenyon hook-ups: you can have whatever you like," it was stated quite definitively that Kenyon men run the hook-up scene because Kenyon women have low self-esteem. Not only is this untrue in the majority of circumstances, but it reinforces our society's insidious sexism. By accepting the low self-esteem that all women at Kenyon are said to experience as an excuse for allowing men to dominate our hook-up scene, we become complicit in perpetuating the situation. And moreover, we destroy the possibility of having a great night with someone else. If we approach hooking up in a defensive, angry and guarded manner, how will our community ever be able to foster healthy, fun relationships?
Picture this: A guy and a girl have hooked up twice, Friday and Saturday nights. They met up at a party, had a few beers and danced for a while. They smiled at each other on the dance floor, started making out and then the girl invited the guy back to her room. They had sex, and it was good. Probably not the best they've ever had, because sex is never perfect with a new partner, but fun. Both had fun. In the morning, they lie together and chat. The guy goes home, and they casually mention meeting up during the week. After he leaves, the girl takes a shower. She sits down to do her homework. Her housemates ask her about her night, and she smiles. She tells them it was fun.
Who has the power in this relationship? It's not clear-cut-just like in life. Sex-and hook-ups-do not have to be about power. Sometimes two people are attracted to each other and want to get physical. Sex is, after all, a way for humans to cement social bonds and to meet our need for intimacy. If we decide that sex is always about power, this means that someone has to give up their power to someone else when they have sex. This stops sex from filling its social need, and instead it becomes a tool in reinforcing power differentials between people. And that is decidedly not fun.
Picture this: A guy and a girl have hooked up twice, Friday and Saturday nights. They met up at a party, had a few beers and danced for a while. They smiled at each other on the dance floor, started making out and then the girl invited the guy back to her room. They had sex, and it was good. Probably not the best they've ever had, because sex is never perfect with a new partner, but fun. Both had fun. In the morning, they lie together and chat. The guy goes home, and they casually mention meeting up during the week. After he leaves, the girl takes a shower. She sits down to do her homework. Her housemates ask her about her night, and she smiles. She tells them it was fun.
Who has the power in this relationship? It's not clear-cut-just like in life. Sex-and hook-ups-do not have to be about power. Sometimes two people are attracted to each other and want to get physical. Sex is, after all, a way for humans to cement social bonds and to meet our need for intimacy. If we decide that sex is always about power, this means that someone has to give up their power to someone else when they have sex. This stops sex from filling its social need, and instead it becomes a tool in reinforcing power differentials between people. And that is decidedly not fun.
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